19 Jun Man up and don’t be that husband
Today my brother got married! So for him and for all the married guys out there, I wanted to write down a few bad habits that some of us men have and changing them can bring a lot of harmony to the marriage. So stay calm and man up.
Man up and boss down
Don’t be that husband that says he is the boss of the house and he in charge of all the decision of the family. Men and women are equal, have the same rights and have the same weight in family’s decision. We do have different skills which makes each of us more suitable for some activities, but it’s not always that way. Yes, your wife is “more’ suitable to give birth to babies and maybe cleans the house or cooks better, but she may hate doing it. I hate washing the floor and Rebeca is doing it better, but I offer to do it because it’s physically hard for her, and it’s more important for me not to see her in pain. I hate folding cloths, so she does it because it’s not a big deal for her. She hates washing dishes but it’s OK for me, I watch some YouTube videos and get on it easily. Get the picture?
Just split the chores with consideration to each other’s strengths and do what the other person hates doing the most. Being the man of the house means to be a leader, which means to do what ever it takes to make your family happy and take care of them. Don’t manage your wife, don’t boss her around, let her be and respect her choices.
Man up and help around the house
Don’t be that husband that gets back home from work and if the wife is asking for some help around the house they say: “But I’ve worked all day” and they just lay in front of the TV while the wife has to cook for the whole house, clean, take care of kids, feed them, wash them and put them to bed. And all these after she comes from work or, for stay at home moms, after a day of taking care of some very demanding kid(s), which is even more exhausting!
If you feel like helping your wife, is either because you think you’re more tired than she is, or because you think those chores are a woman’s “thing” (in which case please read again the previous paragraph). If you think you’re more tired, make sure you understand how tired she is as well, how hard she’s been working that day and that she’s probably less able to do the physical effort than you are. Ask her about EVERYTHING she did today and give her a day off doing it all yourself exactly in the same way to make sure you know how hard is for her. And yes, taking care of the kids and the house instead of going to a job IS work. It’s hard work!
Man up and compete on giving
Don’t be that husband that says “You spent $100 on this, then I have to spend $100 on what I want as well”. “You ate more pancakes than me so I’ll eat all the remaining ice cream”. “I stayed with the kids more last week, so you should stay more this week”. Don’t compete negatively like this, it’s destructive for the relationship. Compete in making the other person happy! Get her something nice even if there’s nothing left for you. Give her the last pancake and the last ice cream as well. Ask her if she wants you to help more with the kids this week as well, as doing it last week, although was great, maybe was not enough. Find creative ways to make her life better but that doesn’t mean wasting all your families’ money, nor exhaust yourself though. This way she’ll see how much you love her and she’ll want to do the same for you! Compete to make each other happier, not to blame or to limit each other.
Man up and trust your wife
Don’t be that husband that doesn’t let his wife dress nice because his jealous on other people liking her. Even if you are jealous, better not to do anything, rather act confident, give her freedom, let her go where she wants t to go and with whom she wants to, assume only the best and trust she never does anything to hurt you or your marriage. Because if you don’t trust her, you only make her more distant. The more freedom and trust you give her, the closer she’ll get to you and the more she’ll want to involve you in all she does. If couples only spend time with each other, often times they become too reliant or dependant of each other and don’t have the chance to exercise having own opinion and choices. She needs to go out only with girls, to do things without you so she can exercise to think, talk and make choices on her own. Trust her in everything.
Man up and give your wife an orgasm
Don’t be that husband that treats his wife as an inflatable doll. I’ve heard this so many times that just blows my mind. And not in a good way 🙂 In-n-Out is not good enough here man. Read about what women like, ask her what she likes, go trial and error even, think outside the box, use tools, but don’t give up until you make her happy each and every time you guys have sex and no matter how long it takes her! If you don’t manage to and she says… “it’s OK honey”, well it’s not! If she says she just can’t have an orgasm, it’s because you’re not kind, patient or funny enough! Believe me, if you man up and do all the things I told you to up to this one and then you nail this one (or her) really well, you can be fat, bald, snore or fart, and she will love you for good.
Man up and talk open
If you’ll get to see the benefit in these things, please share with your fellow buddies. If you don’t, at least talk to your wife to make sure you’re on the same page. And if you’re a wife reading these, talk about these with your husband. I’m sure that if guys realize they will be way more happy by being better husbands, they would all do it! But sometimes they just don’t what they do wrong, or don’t know how to change. So just be honest, calm and loving and talk about these (maybe right after a great-for-both sex?). And continue having regular talks where you both talk about what bothers each of you, reaffirm your love and find solutions together. And don’t forget to spread the word!